We need to talk.
No, I’m not pregnant, nor is this a breakup. Think of it more as an intervention. You need help, and I’m here for you.
I’ve spoken about you before, but never really to you, and I feel like it’s time.
You are driving me nuts.
Seriously what is up with you? Are you having some kind of breakdown? Are you going through a crisis? Like really, what is happening?
First, you stopped showing me people’s faces; anyone who had updated their profile pic in the last 3 weeks was suddenly landed with your little no face icon. It’s disturbing. I don’t like seeing people with no faces, besides you’re kind of missing the point of something. Your name is FACE book! Without faces you’re just book! And not a very good one.
Secondly, let’s talk about your algorithm the little computer that dictates what I may or may not like and filters my news feed accordingly. I think it may be broken and I’m going to suggest a few improvements.
For starters, if, by chance I have not liked something someone shared, please don’t continue to show that to me for the next three days. I didn’t feel the need to hit the thumb the first time, and by the seventeenth I’m getting a little annoyed. I don’t care if I may have liked every single thing that person/page has shared before, making you certain that this information is pivotal to my existence; if I don’t like it, I won’t ‘like’ it. Let it go. I’m allowed to have an opinion.
Conversely, if I have liked something, or perhaps even commented on it, I don’t need you to keep reminding me of that either. It was great yes. It inspired a reaction from me. But the moment is over. Move on. There are other things to see.
Again, in the words of Elsa, ‘Let it go.’
Sometimes Facebook, I read an article. For instance, the other day I read about the expectant royals. It was a reasonable article; I won’t say it enriched my life in any great way, but it gave me the information I wanted.
I noticed that you then suggested to me that I might like other articles on Kate and Will. Which is thoughtful yes, but less so when they are the exact same articles! If I’ve already read it, I don’t need to read it again.
And while we are on the subject, I know it’s all about you tailoring my feed to my likes (supposedly anyway), but it’s also a bit stalker like. It’s one thing when it’s funny cat articles, but another when your encouraging me to read what certain celebs had for breakfast. Somethings do not need to be shared. #Justsaying.
Finally, I understand that people seeing the things I like is great from a page owner’s perspective. It’s like free advertising to them. However, I’m a little over it. I have a wide range of friends and interests and sometimes they don’t all mesh. Sometimes I just want to be the nerd who likes every single thing Grammerly shares, without my less grammatically inclined friends thinking I’m odd. Is that so hard?
Plus you always share the things I don’t want. Like the time I engaged in a conversation about g-string preferences, and something like 17 of my friends popped into say they had seen it. It was great day for Janet and her reach; less so for the privacy of my knickers.
So if you could cut that feature off, or at least let us choose when to use it so that we can like that ‘naughty’ joke without our grandmothers seeing it, they would be nice.
Dear Facebook, I know you’ve got a lot on you plate, and I haven’t even touched the page owner stuff, but do you think you could please, pretty please rectify these problems as soon as possible?
I don’t want to have to break up with you.
How’s Facebook been treating you lately?
Linking with Grace for some blog flogging fun!