She flitters around wreaking havoc at the most unfortunate times. As I’m driving the car, or making dinner, or engaged is some deep, important conversation with a child that needs my undivided attention, there she is. Sitting on my shoulder shouting ‘look at me!’
And because I am making dinner or driving a vehicle or marvelling in the wonder that is my offspring, I politely tell her ‘I’ll be back soon,’ which she takes to mean ‘sod off I have no desire to speak to you ever again,’ and then disappears into the abyss. It’s just rude I tell you.
And so yesterday, when she breezed in, all nonchalant ways, and I was reheating spaghetti sauce, I played it all cool, until I ran her down and tackled her when she least expected it. Just grabbed her right there in the kitchen, that psycho little, techno dancing Inspiration Fairy, and in an uncharacteristic violent rage, induced by a supreme lack of mojo, I pulled her wings off so she couldn’t leave ever again, and decided to blog. About what I had no idea even as I did it, but I was determined. It’s been three weeks of just one lonely little post a week as that fairy hip hops her way in and out of my imagination, and I’m beginning to think that all those Pro-blogger posts about the death of personal blogging were referring to me. ‘Have you been to Essentially Jess’ page lately? Apart from IBOT it’s like tumbleweeds just blowing through the street. Soon there will be nothing but a page with a tombstone reading, “Here lie the last words EssentiallyJess will ever write. Please contact admin if you find a spelling/grammatical error.”‘ Although there will be no admin because the fairy did away with that, so the only thing to my name will be all the errors I searched for and never found.
Kind of like an anticlimactic pirate movie with fewer peg legs and talking parrots.
The bizarre thing is, that prior to that silly little fairy tip-toeing her way in and out of my subconscious, I was all, ‘do I really want to blog?’ I was feeling a little flat. A little subdued. A little, ‘what’s the point?’
When people I barely know would mention my little ‘space’ here, I wanted to climb up on my supremely high horse and say with all manner of condescension, ‘I’m more than just a blogger you know?’ Which in hindsight is very true, but the rest of me isn’t labelled quite as neatly or nicely, and let’s face it, those people were just being super nice and kind and they don’t deserve that kind of haughtiness. That’s reserved for me by that intolerable Inspiration Fairy who thinks she rules the world.
But the lack of words, and time, and inspiration that seems to delight in abandoning me at the times when I could use it the most, have meant that when I did blog the other day (a delightful draft just waiting for approval from the lovely people who asked me to write it), I was so very happy to do it. I was bouncing around on the balls of my feet like a supercharged energiser bunny, or that somewhat subdued Inspiration Fairy who’s since had a wing removal.
Like Baby Bear in Old Hat New Hat, one happily completed blog-post written at a convenient time, has inspired me to don that old brown hat, pull up the rusty shutters and declare that EssentiallyJess is not dead and buried just yet. I am convinced I shall live to blog another day, but more than that, I actually want to. (I mean, besides here for IBOT. I couldn’t give that up. IBOT is more techno and happening than the Inspiration Fairy, and more energising that fruitloops with red cordial. Which I promise I didn’t eat before writing this post, although I would forgive you for thinking so. )
So to answer all the deep thoughts that have been pushing that fairy to the corners of the room since Pro-Blogger posts infiltrated the net waves, I don’t think personal blogging is dead and my why is simply, at this point, because I want to do it. And that’s good enough for me.
Anyone else had limited visits from the Inspiration Fairy lately?
Do you know why you blog?
How good does it feel to just write cause you can? 🙂