I have a confession to make. As a person I tend to get a little stuck in my ways. Does that surprise you? It probably shouldn’t if you’ve been paying much attention lately. 😉
The frustrating thing about life, is that I’ve discovered that it is fluid and ever-changing. The rules don’t stay the same, and just when you think you have it sorted, everything goes and changes on you.
I’ve been lamenting, of late, how frustrating it is that my older girls are growing up. Which is, of course a wonderful thing and opens up a whole new world of possibility, but it also means that things are changing at a rapid rate of knots. The way I speak to my older girl has to change. My level of control has to be gently relinquished. My relationship with her needs to be the guiding factor much more than my authority.
It’s hard and frustrating and annoying all at once. It makes me kind of grateful for three-year old tantrums that revolve around what shoes to wear, but always end in me winning. It’s much easier to win when they are three; it’s vital to win when they are three. But at ten, preparing for those teenage years, it’s less about winning and more about guiding.
I much prefer winning.
It’s not just that kind of thing that’s changing, but Taylah’s whole social world. At BJ’s age (and mostly Bridie’s), the parents are in control of play dates and catchups and they are always there. The times and places are organised and it’s all very scheduled and consistent and calming for a person like me.
When they get older, suddenly it’s not the parents calling, and your answering the phone to another ten-year old who is asking to talk to your child, so they can organise who will sleep over where. And there is a part of you that is not a hundred percent sure if parents were involved in any part of this decision making process, and should you ask to speak to the mum? Or just play it cool and trust that when the dad rocks up in the people mover with a whole herd of kids, that it’s actually ok with them?
Like I said, it’s a weird time, and frankly, I’m not liking it so much.
I just had things the way I wanted them, and I’m loathe to change. Ready to dig my feet in the mud and say ‘no, we’re doing things like we always have!” Whilst simultaneously wondering where do my children get their stubbornness from. 😉 Struggling with the frustration of a lack of organisation and the randomness that comes from a pre-teens brain, and considering all options of time reversal and stagnation. It’s a tough time.
The thing that I am discovering, however, is the more I did my heels in, and insist that all things be a certain way, the more miserable I make myself and everyone else. The reality is, life is changing. My kids are growing up, and I have to grow up with them. The sooner I accept that the way things are is different, the sooner we can all move on and enjoy this new chapter in our lives.
There’s a beautiful freedom in letting go, even as I struggle with the balance of it.
But if the past is anything to go by, things are only going to get better, and my kids, well they are growing more and more awesome every day. I just have to let them.