Is your life too busy?
Do you feel as if time is just getting away from you, and everything goes so fast?
Do you wish that you could slow down for a while?
Well then I have the solution for you!
Get a toddler!
Guaranteed to slow down your entire day, a toddler comes programmed with two speeds. Slow (approx 2km/h) to let you catch your breath and have time to ponder the meaning of life while he/she walks, or super fast for those calorie burning work outs where you can chase them through the shopping centre.
Why shop efficiently and quickly in one hour, when you can do it in three, with a constant stream of chatter the entire way? That’s right! Not only will your toddler slow you down so you have time to smell the roses, but he/she will also occupy your every thought with questions, statements, and in some models, challenges to your authority!
It’s everything you ever dreamed of!
But wait! There’s more! If you order now, you can get the advanced model, with the inbuilt capacity to remove his/her shoes, completely ensuring that every time you go out you will be way-laid by the need to put them back on!
Others may offer you alternative therapies such as massages, or weekend getaways, but these pale into comparison to the offer I am making you. Having a toddler means that you will never do anything quickly for at least two years, and, depending on the make and model, up to an incredible five years!
That’s right! You read it correctly! Up to five years of slow walking, slow shopping trips, and the inability to ever have a clean home!
Now that is an offer too good to refuse!
‘How do I get my own toddler?’ I hear you ask? Well it’s really quite simple! All it takes is a mummy and a daddy and a bad night of tv, and in about 18-24 months time you too can have your very own time waster!
So what are you waiting for?
Get to it now!
Disclaimer: not all models conform to the same capacity. Factors such as genetics, social demographics and the tolerance of parents will effect the outcome.
Diary of a SAHM excepts no responsibility for toddlers who function differently than the aforementioned description.
My comment box is a bit emo, and sometimes seemingly goes on vacation. If you’d like to post a comment, or eavesdrop on someone else’s, click on the post title and watch it magically appear!