And so this is Christmas…
Time to break out the tinsel and the bubbly and gorge ourselves silly on trifle and mince pies and maybe even that most elegant of all birds; the turkey.
I love Christmas. Love, love, love it. I could give you a hundred reasons why, but quite honestly, presents are going to make the top of that list. I’m a present person, and Christmas is a present time, so of course I’m going to like it.
It’s also a perfect time. Have you noticed that? There are only two times you ever see people obsess over whether everything is colour coordinated and perfectly aligned, and that’s weddings and Christmas.
There must be a theme. Christmas is all about the theme.
Everything must match. The tinsel must match the baubles, and the baubles must be perfectly arranged on the tree with the exact balance of large and small. No one must touch the tree ever. Get the kids a separate one for their school made craft; It’s Christmas and it has to be done perfectly.
We need all the latest Christmas carol remakes. The old ones won’t do, unless, they are done extremely well and part of a carefully organised Christmas compilation, that pays homage to the past whilst also enjoying the present. Anything that’s been shared on Facebook by at least four of your friends, will probably be ok to go on the playlist.
Have you organised your Elf on the Shelf? You know the one? The weird-looking doll that is supposed to scare your children into submission during December, by wreaking carnage on different parts of your home overnight, under the guise of ‘reporting to Santa.’ He is part of Christmas now. But unless you upload every single photo and activity of him on to every social media platform available, it doesn’t work.
And Christmas needs to work.
Christmas must be perfect.
Don’t forget to organise the food. Proper Christmas protocol requires hours scouring Pinterest to work out how to get your turkey just right. Heaven forbid it be slightly dry. It’s Christmas and we can’t have that. If all else fails, you could go with a baked ham. Or prawns. Maybe a cray fish. Understand this, if you want to get Christmas right, you need all of them.
And a potato salad. Because, what’s Christmas without a potato salad?
There’s also the desserts to decide upon. So many choices, and in order to obtain perfection, I suggest you do all of them. You need mince pies for the lead up to the day itself, in case anyone stops by for a cuppa. You need a trifle, because it’s not Christmas without one. Also a pavlova, because this is Australia. How about some jelly cups for the kids? Or some rum balls, with or without rum? And of course, you must have a Christmas cake, because it’s Jesus’ birthday and what’s a birthday without cake?
There must also be pudding.
Do not. I repeat, DO NOT, FORGET THE CHRISTMAS PUDDING.
All food must be consumed on either your finest crockery, or in special circumstances, the best plastic plates you can find. If the latter, they must match the serviettes, the tinsel, the baubles, and of course, the wrapping paper. It’s all about the theme. Christmas doesn’t work without a theme you know.
And if you’re reading this and you haven’t yet decided on your theme, you might as well pack up and go home, because Christmas won’t work this year.
Christmas must be perfect.
The idea of Christmas being the epitome of perfection is not a new one. It’s been perpetuated for centuries, right back to that very first one, where all of Israel was waiting for the Messiah to come in the form of a majestic king and kick the dirty Romans back to where they came from. Now I wasn’t there at the time, but I can surmise from the information presented, that their theme back then was pretty much the same as it is now. Perfection. Get everything right. Get rid of the things that don’t match, and make everything new and shiny and perfect and perfectly aligned with one another, so that we can eat and drink and be merry and not worry about anything ever again.
Meanwhile, over in Bethlehem, Christmas is happening in a less than perfect way with no epidural, no sterile environment, and just a couple of barn animals providing the most unlikely to go viral birthing music ever.
There was no matching tinsel, no trifle, and no You Tube Christmas sensations, and yet somehow, despite the lack of all that, perfection still reigned.
Perfection in the form of the Son of God, bucking the trend, not playing by the rules, and declaring that the theme of ‘freedom’ is so much more inviting than any other theme that’s been presented before or ever since.
And so for Christmas I say this; who cares if your plates don’t match your paper, or your tree looks like it was decorated by the dog? If the pav flops, and the turkey is dry, and the potato salad is all tough because you didn’t cook the spuds long enough, it’s not important. Because let’s face it, even if you end up in a barn on Christmas Day and you’re looking at the Pig you’re supposed to be eating, you’re still doing better than that least ‘perfect’ of all Christmas’. That least perfect one, that ended up being the most perfect one, and not only because it was the first, but because of its perfect theme.
The theme of Freedom.
Christmas is all about the theme you know.
This is the last IBOT for 2014. Next week we are on a break.
From all of us here at #teamIBOT, have a safe, and blessed Christmas season.
See you in 2015!