I consider myself a fairly level-headed person. Whether this true or not, remains to be seen, but I like to think so.
Occasionally* though, I tend to over exaggerate. A little.
Or a lot.
Ok, I exaggerate in the extreme, and I’m probably not level-headed at all, but whatever.
So last week, on a fairly ordinary day, Boatman goes off to work as he does. Now for those not in the know, he works on an Oyster Farm. He spends a good portion of the day in the ocean, and the rest of the day doing other oyster related duties. Which are irrelevant for the point of the post. What is important, is the ‘he is in the water part.”
Also that the factory is out in the sticks. Kind of.
Anyway, on a given day, I’ll hear from him two or three times at least. Usually once he arrives at work, then on his break, and finally when he is leaving for home, usually some time just after five. Occasionally they spend all day on the water and he can’t text, but he will still let me know when he is coming home.
So last Thursday, he goes to work, sends me a message regarding the school’s opening hours in extreme heat, and then nothing else for the rest of the day. That didn’t bother me, because, like I said, it happens.
When I sent a message just before five though, and didn’t get a response, I was concerned. “Huh.” I thought. “He’s usually off the water by now.”
Ten minutes later I sent another, and another and then another, before I started calling repeatedly at five thirty, and then, as a last-ditch effort, asked if anyone on Facebook had heard from him. All the while trying to prepare dinner that I never ate, on account of the giant knot in my stomach from any one of the scenarios that I was sure had happened.
Scenarios that were highly unlikely, but at that moment, seemed completely logical.
They went a little like this:
Scenario Number One: Boatman has been attacked by a white pointer and is dead. The other guys on the boat have witnessed the carnage, and are too terrified to call me. At any point Policeman Paul (that’s what the kids call a friend who is a copper) will knock on the door and deliver the news.
Likelihood: 5/10. Whilst it’s possible that he could get eaten by a shark, no oyster farmers have been taken yet, and I would probably have heard earlier in the day.
That’s not quite as comforting as it sounds.
Scenario Number Two: The boat has broken down, and is now drifting out to sea and there is no phone reception. Policeman Paul will be knocking on the door any instant to tell me they can’t find him.
Likelihood: 7/10. Boats break down, that could happen. The other boat would have noticed though and gone searching for it. And it shouldn’t be that hard to locate. Plus, I would have heard something by now. Surely.
Scenario Number Three: They returned from the water, and went to work in the shed. But ISIS troops were waiting for them and killed them all. (Don’t laugh; my head actually went there.) I’m going to find out from the news, which will be documenting the AFP surrounding the area. (As she turns on the news.)
Likelihood: 05./10 It’s just not going to happen. Probably. The farm is in a remote area, so that helps…
Scenario Number Four: One of the employees, or perhaps a rogue customer, has had a psychotic break and has either attacked and killed them all, or they have locked themselves up in a room to hide from the menace. Policeman Paul has been called out to the scene, and will update me shortly.
Likelihood: I don’t want to speak for the mental state of Boatman’s colleagues, but I’m hoping for pretty much slim to non-existent.
Scenario Number Five: Boatman has left me because I fell asleep on Date Night. Policeman Paul will be of no help to me at all, because it’s not really his jurisdiction.
Likelihood: -2/10. Boatman is not that petty. (Mental note to have a coffee next date night.)
Thankfully, after mentally running through the list of possibilities, crying a bit, trying not to throw up, and beginning a mental composition of a blog post saying there would be no IBOT for a little while, Boatman called to let me know he was fine. They had had a huge day on the water, and his phone was on another boat half the time, and there wasn’t a lot of reception. I may or may not have, burst into tears with a relieved, ‘you’re alive’ when he called.
He was very grateful for the obvious outpouring of love and concern.
I was very grateful that I was not a widow.
I was also grateful it gave me a blog post which was not, ‘my husband is dead.’
So really, all’s well that ends well, in the tale of the over-reactionary Jess.
*occasionally in this instance, is more accurately read as ‘all the time.’
Photo credits to Boatman. Apart from the shark meme. And Jennifer Aniston in her dressing gown. If he took that photo, this would be a very different blog post. Possibly one also involving a shark and a boating accident…
So tell me, do you have a level head? Or one that things would likely roll off of?