Some days are just tough and leave you not wanting to do much of anything. Being a mum is not the easiest job and sometimes you feel like you’re failing supremely at it. On those tough days, it’s good to have friends who say, ‘do you need a guest post for IBOT?’
Yes, Bec. Yes, I really do. Thank you.
So today’s IBOT post is the first ever guest post on a Tuesday and is thanks to Bec from Seeing the Lighter Side.
I found it quite appropriate.
Have you noticed that as a parent you lose the right to whinge freely about your job to people outside of your profession? You know, that glazed look you get from some people as you complain about sleep deprivation, mess and tantrums, as compared to the riveted engagement which used to flow from the same people when you complained about long hours in the office, difficult clients and unrealistic deadlines.
It’s time we reclaim our right to whinge and be heard, ladies. It’s time to repackage and redesign our image: let’s corporatise motherhood.
It’s not as difficult as it sounds and it’s all in the marketing: a web designer doesn’t offer to “fiddle around with a few pictures and colours to make your company page look nicer so people want to go there and buy stuff”. No, my unlearned friend: a web designer will “optimise the primary customer interface in order to maximise engagement and increase net profit margins.”
All we need are a few acronyms, a few Standard Operating Procedures (that’s “SOP”s, of course), perhaps a Professional Association of Youth Development Managers (“PAYDM”) and some lessons in corporate speak.
So next time you want some sympathy, don’t say:
“The kids have been fighting all morning and I’m just over it. They won’t share, they won’t see reason and I finally divided the toys by force and sent them to their rooms. I told my husband what had happened and he suggested I just buy new toys but that’s totally missing the point and we can’t afford it anyway.”
Instead, try this to get the genuine pity flowing from your corporate friends over a few glasses of wine:
“I’m working on a major long-term project at the moment and client relations broke down this morning over a perceived inequitable division of the Recreational Assets Registry (RAR). I spent the morning negotiating a temporary Division of Assets Agreement (DAA) with a view to eventually getting the parties to accept a Permanent Shared Resources Arrangement (PSRA). The negotiations were protracted, exhausting and ultimately unsuccessful.
“I’ve checked the initial contracts embedded in the RAR, though, and it appears that the PSRA would violate the terms of the initial acquisitions so I think it’s best if I leave a prospective merger off the agenda in the short term. I think I might have to schedule a few offsite relationship building sessions at the local Indoor Playground and revisit the contract re-negotiations after that, moving forward.
“I called my business partner to provide a project status update and request his input. He suggested an expansion of the total pool available in the RAR. I pointed out that this was outside the project scope and further discretionary expenditure would be unwise until we had resolved the structural budget deficits, probably closer to the Christmas period.”
I would dearly love to see how Bec would summarise my day. Something along the lines of, ‘after several heated negotiations the client suggested an alternative proposal which is under consideration. We hope to come to an agreement over the coming weeks at which point contracts will be drawn up and adhered to at all cost.’
I can only hope. 😉
How would you optimise your latest parenting/life endeavours?
Have you met Bec? She’s one of our #teamIBOT all stars and is rather awesome.