Dear Territorian Tourists,
I’d like to congratulate you on choosing a wonderful destination for your next holiday. Along with all the other backpackers who are flooding our cities streets, escaping the winter cold in your fair districts, you have made a wise decision.
Darwin, in the dry, is blissful.
The weather is neither too cool nor too hot, and all the roads are open again after the wet has well and truly bid us farewell.
There are many places you can visit here in the blissful north, and if you’re brave enough to take on a saltwater crocodile or seven, you can swim pretty much anywhere!
If you’re lucky, you may even meet me, or be privvy to the shooting of one of my spectacularly entertaining crazy vlogs.
There is just one thing I ask.
Please, leave your colds behind.
It’s a proven fact that this time of year in the tropics brings with it an influx of grand nomads, photo happy in-laws, and the occasional crazy British backpacker who thinks they can ride from Darwin to Katherine in a day.
Whilst the economy welcomes them, our immune systems do not.
Unlike you, we do not have to hide indoors next to heaters, rugged up to our ear lobes in home made crocheted coverings. No, we are gladly enjoying the beautiful outdoors in our singlets and shorts, relishing playing games with our kids outside, riding our bikes, going for walks along the beach, and gardening without excessive sweat.
Being sick changes that.
Your southern bugs, incubated in your moist, heated houses have a field day up here, and reduce us locals to a bunch of whining, snotty invalids, complaining constantly about how cold it is.
This does not do us well in the eyes of said in-laws.
And really, who wants to come and visit a town full of people looking like this?
So, by all means, come and visit us. Spend your money and bring us presents.
Just make sure you have had your flu shots first.
Otherwise we may be forced to feed you to the crocodiles.