I have a post I want to write.
I have a hundred posts I want to write.
Posts that would inspire you. Posts that make you giggle.
Posts that would make you stop and really think.
And I can write these posts. And I will. I have the notes in my head and all I need is the time, and I will write them.
But I don’t know if I can post them.
Not here anyway.
Not on Essentially Jess.
I just don’t know.
The other day, whilst browsing posts over at Grace’s, I read this post from Psych Babbler called, ‘What’s your passion?‘ The whole idea is that we should write about the things we love, and how do you find what you love most? What is the thing you need to write about?
For me, well that answer is so simple.
It’s my faith.
It’s how I live.
It’s what I choose to engage in and disengage from.
It’s how I define myself.
It’s Jesus. Beautiful, wonderful Jesus.
And yet most days, most posts, I hold that passion back, and it’s not because I’m ashamed; I’m the exact opposite.
No I hold it back out of respect. Because I know that not everyone gets it. Or even gets why there is anything to get, and they certainly don’t want to read about it. I am loath to push that on anyone.
And so I keep quiet so many times. I reword things so that it won’t seem like I’m talking about my faith, when, to be perfectly honest, I almost always am. But some days the words cannot be hidden or disguised. Sometimes the words in me want nothing more that to be shouted from the rooftops, and screamed from the heavens. I can’t tell you about my life, without telling you about Jesus. It just doesn’t work. I can’t write that story. I can not post about what I’ve done this weekend, unless I tell you that I spent all weekend trying to love God in every way possible, and be His very best servant.
I can’t speak the words in my head or in my heart because every single word that begs to be poured out from me at this moment is all about Jesus. What feels like a hundred posts to write, and all of them reflecting on the goodness of the God it is I worship. Not one other word to be found; not one other thought to share. Not one other blessing to give.
Because, at the end of the day, Essentially Jess, is always more than Essentially Jess. And even though I do find those other words, and I sing the songs and get my rant on and beg people to sit up and take notice of the devastation that is the very idea of human trafficking, at my core, it’s Jesus.