We’re all busy.
This is not new information.
It’s easy to just forget stuff, even if we know that its really important.
But, like all experiences, I try to grow from them and learn, and this was no different. I began to think about what I had done wrong, and how I could change things for the future.
You see, I’m fairly passionate about teaching my kids certain things, as I’m sure we all are, but sometimes my passion lands me in a power struggle with my offspring, which results in both of us feeling like we need to win.
And particularly so when it comes to Bridie; her stubbornness is well and truly inherited from her mother.
The problem comes from when I see something that needs fixing, and decide that right there and then is the moment to fix it. I think most of us feel like that.
Particularly, if, like me, you are prone to forget this key parenting moment later on.
Sadly, most of the time it doesn’t work.
One of the best pieces of advice I have ever received is this ‘train in times of non-conflict.’
What does that mean exactly? I hear you say.
Well I’m glad you asked. 😉
Often when confronted with a problematic behaviour, we endeavour to deal with it head on, straight away. This is often necessary, particularly when it comes to matters of health and safety.
However, if the problem is more moral than anything else, addressing it immediately may not be the best course of action, as moral behaviors are related to the heart, and those are the ones that are most likely to have a negative attitude attached to them.
The best practice instead, is to address the necessary straight away, and then later on, at a time when everyone is calm and happy, discuss why the behavior was wrong.
Taylah is ridiculously scatter brained. All those blonde jokes? Pretty much written about people like her.
She is smart intellectually, beautifully social, and compassionate to the nenth degree, but has the concentration of a scatterbrained gold fish.
It is not unusual for me to have to try repeatedly to get her attention, or remind her of a simple command.
Now, it would be easy to excuse this behaviour as simply who she is, but I refuse to do so. I am certain, that with the right emphasis on training her heart to focus on others (listening to them, considering them and understanding how her actions effect them), she can overcome her blondeness. (Sorry to all the fair- haired readers out there 😉 )
Now my practice so far, has been to lecture her in the midst of her failings, whilst she is trying to concentrate on remembering what she was asked to do, whilst simultaneously understand what it is I am saying to her.
Not the best practice considering her goldfish similarities.
Instead, I need to talk to her at a complete different time, when the issue at hand is not presenting itself. Maybe whilst we are casually chatting, or doing something together. This will provide a safe environment, and a lot less stress on both of us.
Simply put, at a time of non-conflict.
I can apply the same principle with Bridie, in talking about the importance of showing respect to the teacher. If we talk about it when I am not worried about being late for class, and she is not resisting my every effort to get us there, we will not have the usual fight, and she is far more likely to take my words on board.
However, it appears I also have the memory of an absent minded goldfish, and usually forget to teach all these important life lessons.
Like I said; I’m busy.
What I’ve decided to do, is keep a notebook with me at all times. That way I can write down the problem at hand, and come back to it later. And adding it to my to do list in my diary, is also helpful, if only because I like to tick things off. 🙂
I’m committed to being the best mum I can. Sometimes that means doing things that don’t feel natural, but in many ways, thats exactly what I expect of my children.
Which is of course, in no way easy, but in every way vitally important.
Ask me in a month how I’m going.
I’m a little blonde too. 😉