So it’s Mothers Day this week.
The day when mothers everywhere are either celebrated or forgotten; possibly a combination of both.
I’m not quite as down on the day as I was last year, which is good. I’m sure the kids will do lovely things and it will all be as wonderful as it can be. I know that my children do love me. Or at least tolerate me from time to time 😉
There is something that has come to my attention though: Mothers Day sales. Now I don’t get a lot of catalogues in my mail box (to be honest I don’t have a lot of shops in my town), but I have seen a few online, and they have left me shaking my head. At first I thought it was because shops don’t understand (or like) mums, so they try to market all this really mundane stuff at us. But the more I looked at them the more it became clear, that based on the information supplied to me about what mums want, it’s entirely possible that I’m not actually a mother. (Four children who have come out of my body not withstanding.) The catalogues with their market driven ‘proof’ have shown me that I am not the person that this special day is aimed at.
For starters: I don’t want a dressing gown.
My mum bought me a dressing gown for Christmas one year when I was a kid and I cried. I’ve never understood dressing gowns. Get out of bed and get dressed is pretty much how I roll. If it’s four degrees in the morning then I just run to the bathroom. Problem solved. I have no desire to own a bulky piece of clothing that I put on to take off again. I don’t get it.
Also slippers. Just… No. All the major stores want mums to have slippers for Mothers Day and I don’t understand why. Is there some kind of slipper over-abundance, that they need to deal with? Is Mothers Day really ‘International Buy New Slippers Day?’ I got slippers once and they drove me nuts because I couldn’t wear them outside. If it’s cold and my feet need warming, I want ugg boots that I can wear out. And no, not down to the shops, (I’m not a complete bogan) but just to the washing line. You know, that place women hang out at for fun? I’ve got no time to change from slippers to shoes to get washing off the line. That’s insane.
On a similar vein to dressing gowns and slippers, let’s talk about pyjamas. Now I’m not opposed to the idea of pyjamas, but since when did Mothers Day become the ‘holiday’ to recognise the thing mothers never get? ‘Here, have new pyjamas, slippers and a dressing gown. You haven’t had uninterrupted sleep for the past 12 years, but at least you’re prepared, just in case it should happen.’ I think it’s a little mean.
I don’t want pyjamas for Mothers Day.
More proof that I’m not a mum, is that I don’t like knick knacky things. I’m probably in the minority here, but I don’t like them. I hate having those things in my house. They collect dust and then I have to clean them. Or the kids want to touch them and they get moved, and then they never look like they are supposed to. So no, I don’t want a new vase or a pot or a bowl that you can put things in. I don’t want a candle that needs its own special display case. I don’t desire a statue of a woman and her child, or something similar. I don’t want them. That’s not me. I mustn’t be a mum.
This may come as a surprise to some department stores, but I already have shampoo, moisturiser, and, ‘shock-horror,’ deodorant. I’m a woman who visits the grocery story and buys these items when I need them. I wash my hair regularly, and maintain a healthy level of hygiene. I do not need to receive a bottle of Pantene for Mothers Day. If I was presented with one, I would be quite happy actually, as I would assume that someone else had done the entire grocery shop for me, and saved a couple of hours of my time.
Apparently though, mothers don’t buy these things, so the second Sunday in May is the day to bestow them as gifts. It makes me kind of glad I’m not a mum.
And the final proof that I’m not a mum?
This infographic. The other day when asked what I wanted for Mothers Day I said, ‘sparkling wine and a foot rub.’ That’s all. That would make me happy. Although it’s apparently in the minority of answers, apart from the lumberjack. Which fair enough – I never found one of those in the catalogues.
So there you have it. Proof from the powers that be (i.e. major department stores), that I’m not a mum, and will not be celebrating this special day on Sunday with all the other ‘actual’ mums out there. Instead I’ll be commandeering a foot rub, a glass of bubbly, and a couple of hours reading Game of Thrones.
Happy non-Mothers day. 🙂
Are you a ‘mum?’
What are your plans for Sunday?
No disrespect to those of you who are greatly hoping for a dressing gown, clean hair and something pretty on your mantle. I hope you get just what your asking for 🙂 xxx