The mothers of boys will know that a strange thing happens when you discover your offspring has a penis; you become oddly protective of
Obviously, any child that is welcomed into your family is loved and treated with a precious honour, but there is something in a woman that is awoken with the birth of a son. A fierce protectiveness that is best summarised in the words of Monica from Friends.
“I’m gonna love you so much, no woman will ever be good enough for you!”
Which is not really the goal, but it definitely sums up the emotion.
So when my dear sweet Bailey told me after Pre-school on Wednesday, that he had accidentally kissed a girl, my mother-bear instinct went into overdrive.
Facebook likers, will already know the conversation went like this
Bailey: I accidentally kissed someone today.
Me: How did that happen?
Bailey: She asked me.
Me: who did?
Me: (thinking I would be having a giggle with Clara’s mum over this, and also secretly pleased he has such good taste) really?
Bailey: Oh, not Clara, Jenna*
Me: Where did you kiss her?
Bailey: In the sandpit.
I paused the conversation there, partly because I needed time to process, but also because I had washing to hang out.
But there was still more to this story I felt I was missing, so I soon pulled him on my lap and asked the question.
Me: So did you kiss Clara or Jenna or both?
Bailey: Jenna. (Understanding a little more his statement in the morning of ‘I hope Jenna is here today)
Me: and it was in the sandpit
Bailey: yes but it was an accident.
Me: how was it an accident?
Bailey: well she was walking….
cue visions of me seeing some poor girl walking along, and my son tripping over and his lips falling on hers
Me: I thought she asked you?
Bailey: It was a secret.
Me: So did she ask you?
Me: who said it was a secret?
Bailey: well Mrs Galbraith was watching us…
Me: Mrs Galbraith saw you? (Wondering why I hadn’t been accosted by the teacher after class)
Me: she didn’t see you?
Me: So you kissed Jenna and no one saw?
Me: Did Jenna ask you?
Bailey: No. (it was barely a whisper)
Me: So why did you kiss her?
Bailey: (Loudly, dramatically, and like he was auditioning for a day time soap opera), BECAUSE I LOVE HER!!
After some more talking, from what I can gather, my little Don Juan decided he could no longer hide his affections from the apple of his eye, and instead of doing the typical boy thing and throw a rock at her head, he went straight for the sugar. I’m not entirely sure what her reaction was; according to him she wasn’t angry and she liked it (well of course), but his attitude was that of the heartbroken. One gets the impression he put his heart out there, and she stomped on it like only a woman could.
Which makes me both angry in one sense, and completely relieved in the other.
I mean, I had had these conversations with the girls at the same age, but I have it on good authority from my little boy, that I am the most beautiful woman in the world, and he is going to stay with me forever. Him seeking the love of another is almost like a slap in my apparently beautiful face!
Of course I told him that he was really too young to be kissing the girls, and that if any girls asked him (which lets face it, could happen! Preschool girls these days….) his response should be ‘I only kiss my mum.’
But considering the reaction from his crush, I’m not going to worry too much about it now.
*Obviously not their real names. I don’t think any of the preschool mums read my blog, but I don’t want to suffer their wrath just in case!