It’s been a very productive day over here at camp Jess. I’ve been working like a crazy woman editing my book, to get it ready to send off to the book designer hopefully in the next ten days.
That’s the goal anyway.
Now that I I have decided I am definitely self publishing, I’m all gung-ho and ‘Let’s do this!’
For the most part I’ve been fairly positive. It’s not an easy thing to consider trying to sell a book. It’s one thing to hope that people might want to read my words for free here on the Internet, but to invest a substantial amount of money in the hopes that you might one day get it all back, is a whole new level.
I’ve learnt a huge amount in the last two months that I’ve been really working on this. Understanding the process, all the costs involved and correct terminology. It’s a whole new world this book publishing business and I’m only starting to learn it.
The one thing that has really amazed me is the cost.
It is significant.
There are cheap ways of doing things, like producing ebooks, but even then, there is a difference between an ebook and a PDF document, and the former is still gonna cost big bucks to be formatted correctly.
It’s ok though. I can get past all that.
If I’m going to do this, I’m going to do it right, going to do it well, and going to spend the dollars.
I’m fine with that. (And thankfully have an investor: My dad ;))
But the editing…. That’s been hard work.
I really get sick of hearing myself speak,or reading myself write as the case may be. I just get over myself, so quickly, so immersing myself in me, for a long period of time, is hard work.
Not to mention, that when I wrote this particular manuscript, it was three years ago, and it was the first thing I had written for years! My words, which I had thought so clever and well written back then, seem childish and immature now. I have definitely improved as a writer since that point, and I think it is glaringly obvious. So my editing has, in many cases, become re-writing, with me still trying to capture the essence of what I was feeling at the time.
Which comes to the third hurdle.
There’s only been a few people who have read it. I think maybe 5. Three of them liked it, and the other two couldn’t see the point.
They actually said that.
Described it as just like reading someones blog, but a whole lot of it. Which in all fairness is a fairly accurate description, except that the post entries are much longer, there actually is an overall theme, and back then I was so tech challenged, I didn’t even consider the idea of blogging.
Both of these readers said that they found it hard to relate to me, because of my ‘Melancholic’ Personality style.
I guess if you’re talking personality traits, I definitely am a bit melancholy. Also a bit choleric, but hardly phlegmatic and sanguine. If you want to put me in a box, I guess that one will do.
I’ve managed to put those statements behind me. I’ve moved on. I’ve had a lot of positive feedback from the other three, and I’m well aware you can’t please everyone.
But today was the first day I’ve started to wonder if they’re right. As I was reading one particular chapter, it occurred to me that it does sound melancholy. And I found myself re-writing to reduce that, but not sure how, and even if I should. Is my only motivation because of those negative comments? Does it need to be changed at all?
I have no idea.
I’ve just put it down for a little while to try and get some perspective.
What I do know is this:
I’m not writing for myself. I’m not writing to make money or become famous.
I’m writing because I honestly believe that I can make a difference. That some mum out there will identify with me, and be encouraged. That the melancholy will be overcome by the point of the story, and the truth that parenting can be tough, but it is worth it.
On a final note, I said to Boatman today ‘do you think I’m a good writer?’
‘Yes,’ he said. ‘And all writers question whether they are good enough so you will be fine!’ Which makes me think we’re all kind of melancholy anyway, so why change a thing?
How hard do you find it to move past criticism?
Do you find it ironic that I have titled this post as it is, considering the very melancholic nature of it? I do! 😀