This is not the blog I planned for today. I was going to do an update on our lolly jar experiment, but I just don’t have the motivation. To be honest I have a whole bunch of blog topics and posts running around in my head, and I can’t even be bothered trying to make the time to do them. Today it’s kind of like ‘what’s the point?’
When I started blogging at the beginning of the year, I was nervous and idealistic. My goal was to get a little bit of myself out there, so that when I published my book (hopefully later in the year), that I would have a couple of people interested in buying it.
But I was scared to let anyone read it, and it was only through Tim telling others to read it, that anyone even discovered my little patch of cyber space.
Four months later and I have a face book page, a twitter and you tube account, and twenty eight people who say they follow me. Thanks to Friday’s Faceboook Flog (hosted by My Little Drummer Boys), 55 people ‘like’ my blog, and 20 something follow me on Twitter.
That may not sound like a lot to some, but I’m thankful for each one. I’m realistic; I haven’t been doing this long, and I talk about God. Some people don’t want to hear about God, and that’s their choice. My faith means I have a different standard and value than others. Whilst I have no problem with homosexuals, I’m not an advocate of gay marriage like so many other bloggers out there. That might get me some hate comments, but probably not. I don’t seem to get many comments at all.
And therein lies my frustration. Whilst I am grateful for the numbers, and I enjoy checking my stats, (though I’m not as obsessive as I used to be), they don’t mean much if people aren’t reading what I’m saying. And the only way I know is by comments, or even ticking the reaction box.
I know people are busy, I know they don’t have a lot of time. But between intense debate, twitter, and Facebook, you think I could get a ‘nice post.’ Or even a ‘I hate what you’re saying and I think you are a terrible writer and if I was computer savvy enough to work out how to unfollow you, I would.’ At least then I would know where I stand.
Now for those of you who do comment frequently, I’m not having a go. I really appreciate it. To be honest, it’s not even the lack of comments that frustrates me, as much as the perceived inability to get ahead. So much of blogging is not just writing; it’s reading others blogs, and being active on social media. Commenting on others FB status’ and reading twitter every five minutes. The problem is that if I did everything I was supposed to, not only would I have no time for blogging, but also no time for my kids. But more than that, I would also turn into just another mummy blogger, influenced by what others are writing and not being true and authentic to myself and who God has made me to be.
My goal in writing is to bring hope. Parenting is a rough gig, and we all need a bit of help from time to time. But just lately I seem to have given up on any kind of inspirational thought in the quest of numbers; and let’s be honest, it’s not paying off.
Which brings me to today. I’m not sure if it’s the supreme lack of sleep as Ava stages yet another all night party, or the fact that for whatever reason my antidepressants don’t seem to be giving me quite the kick they usually do, but I’m kind of wondering what’s the point. With all the great blogging out there, and the writers far more talented than me, does the world really need me? Am I wasting my time trying to work my way into this tight knit blogging community, that seems to have very little space left for me? And is my apparent lack of failure because I am comparing myself to people I have no business comparing myself to? What does God say?
“Then he spoke:
You’re blessed when you’ve lost it all.
God’s kingdom is there for the finding. You’re blessed when you’re ravenously hungry.
Then you’re ready for the Messianic meal.
You’re blessed when the tears flow freely.
Joy comes with the morning.
“Count yourself blessed every time someone cuts you down or throws you out, every time someone smears or blackens your name to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and that that person is uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—skip like a lamb, if you like!—for even though they don’t like it, I do . . . and all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company; my preachers and witnesses have always been treated like this.”
Give Away Your Life (Luke 6:20-23 MSG)
So I guess that’s my answer. Whilst I might be lost in a blog fog, wondering if anyone really cares, God says that yes He does.
And really, that’s all that matters.