Disclaimer: This post is dripping with random sarcasm and tongue-in-cheekiness. Share whatever you like. But just not mean, graphic or violent stuff ok? 🙂
So the other day, I downloaded the app Time Hop. Have you heard of it?
It’s an app that links to Facebook and Instagram and a bunch of other stuff, and then everyday shows you what you posted a between 1 and however many years ago. I’ve seen friends with it, and they are always sharing the amazing things that they accomplished in their life in the recent past. Things like babies learning to walk, slabs being poured, and witty comebacks. Also special moments shared with friends discussing their latest wine purchase. Ping Daisy Roo and Two.
I was envisioning my daily notifications causing me to marvel in the delight of my online life. I mean, I’ve never really had anything unbelievably amazing happen since I’ve used Facebook, but that’s not necessarily bad. There’s been no engagement announcements or clever memes telling the world that we’re having a new baby. In fact the earliest pic on there is this one.
Which I put when I first started using it just because I was a blogger, and I wanted to be all ‘professional’ and stuff. Because that’s obviously who I am. Professional.
Turns out I’m not professional.
Nor actually all that interesting.
In fact all Time Hop has done so far, is just showcase my lameness. It’s like a daily reminder every day that I don’t do interesting things, or if I do, I don’t put them on Facebook. It’s all like ‘here’s a pic of a pizza you ate last year! Aren’t you glad I reminded you of that?’
Um, actually… yeah. That was a really good pizza.
But good pizza aside, Time Hop (and I keep typing Hope probably because I can only dream it gets better), is proving be somewhat of a disappoint in terms of reminding me of my awesomeness.
Case in point.
Scintillating isn’t it?
In an endeavour to make sure that future Jess is nowhere near as disappointed with current Jess, as current Jess is with past Jess (did you follow that?), I’ve decided I’ve got to spice up my online life. Like today, for instance, I shared that I got 28 out of 29 on a song testing my knowledge of the lyrics to let it go. That’s the stuff I’m going to want to remember people.
That’s the stuff life’s made of.
There seems to be a move lately, to not announce everything on Facebook. In fact, people are going and having babies on there, and no one even knows they’re pregnant? How is that even possible? It’s like one minute, you’ve got a friend with two kids and the world is normal, and the next you’re turning into a psycho ninja, checking her FB wall and IG feed like a forensic pathologist, wondering when you missed the pregnancy announcement, and how are things like that allowed to happen? (I may, or may not have done this in recent months. I did learn though, that if you’re going to be all stalker like on someones life, don’t like or comment on anything over a week old. #leavenotrail behind. 😉 ) And the tragedy of that is not that no one knows you’re up the duff, but that in two years time Time Hop is not going to share you a cool birth announcement like this:
But something far less interesting, and much more vague like this:
It’s just a sad, sad, state of affairs.
Now I get that not every day is going to have to have something exciting to share (Nor does everyone actually feel the compulsive need to share things online, as if they can only exist once announced on Facebook). We can’t all be preggers or newly engaged, or about to board a flight to some exotic location. Some weeks the biggest news is that you got to go to the toilet, and no one bothered you for the first fifteen seconds; I say share that! A fifteen second nag-free toilet experience is definitely something to write home about.
The trick, I think, to making Time Hop work for you, (apart from deleting the stupid app and living your life in the relative comfort of not giving a damn), is to stop, at every share and think, “What Would Time Hop Say?” Is its reply going to be all like, ‘that was awesome?’ Or more along the lines of ‘how lame are you?’ It’s like a little internal judge of your rating on the coolness scale. New shoes=high. Photo of your feet for no particular reason=less cool and slightly confusing. Time Hop, like time itself, makes it all clear.
Of course at the end of all this is the argument that who actually cares what you share, and we should all just share whatever we like anyway. If it matters in the moment, then it matters period. Sandwiches still have value three years on, as do random weather observations.
Plus at the end of the day (and I’m possibly only writing this to redeem an a pretty much defunct post, and make myself feel marginally more cool), lame is the new black. And anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong.
Do you use Time Hop?
Do you ever feel like your online life is mind-numbingly dull?
Do you agree that lame really is the new black?