I’m an imperfect person. No one is more aware of that fact than me.
Every day I look at my actions from the past day and see all the times when I didn’t let my little light shine.
Sometimes it’s the thoughts I think. Harmful, vindictive, judgement filled thoughts that don’t bring God glory.
Sometimes it’s my actions. My words or the things I do. In private, in public, and online.
Somedays it’s a mistake; other days it’s pure disobedience, and I need to repent. To humble myself before God and say sorry, and to turn from the path I’m on; to follow more fully.
I don’t often talk a huge amount about my faith on this blog. It’s not because I’m ashamed of it, but more because I don’t necessarily think it’s the place for it. I know that the majority of readers do not share my beliefs, and that’s ok. I think we can still be friends. And I don’t want to push them on anyone.
But today, in the interest of authenticity, I need to write this. To write that I am in imperfect person. That I gossip too much, and sometimes drink too much wine. That I complain a lot, and cast judgement. That I struggle daily to be like Jesus.
Many people think the bible is full of rules that must be adhered to at all costs.
It’s full of principles that genuinely make life better for everything. It all boils down to one simple command: love God, and love other people. All kindness, generosity, respect and empathy towards our fellow humans can be based on that one scripture.
Sometimes though, it’s hard. Sometimes it’s not easy to be kind or to love. It’s not easy to make choices that put others first.
Somedays, dare I say it, Christianity in itself is ridiculously hard. Again, not because of the rules, but because of the principles. Because when you believe what I believe, you wish that everyone else did too. Not to agree, not to be the same, but because you know just how good it is; how awesome God is.
And when you believe He is awesome, you want to live a life that pleases Him. You want to make Him look good.
You need to be different.
And that’s the hard bit.
That’s the part where it’s tempting to give up.
We all say it’s good to be different; that those differences are the spice of life. And in some ways they are, but not often when it comes to faith.
Rarely, when it comes to faith.
When what I believe is wrong is embraced by most as common practice.
When what I declare is necessary is considered voluntary to the rest of society.
That’s when it’s hard. That’s when it’s easier to keep quiet.
Sometimes I say to myself, “I will forget about the Lord. I will not speak anymore in his name.”
But then his message becomes like a burning fire inside me, deep within my bones.
I get tired of trying to hold it inside of me, and finally, I cannot hold it in. (Jeremiah 20:9 NCV)
And so this is why I wrote this post.
Because I am an imperfect person. Because sometimes I don’t look or act like many people think a Christian should.
But within me burns a fire; a good fire. A passion that warms me and brings hope to my soul and life to my bones. It is what inspires me and gives me purpose and makes me who I am meant to be.
A fire that I wish everyone had, because once you taste this, you can’t go back. Once you know God like I know God, you will never want anything else.
It’s why I write this, aware that I may lose followers or scare people off, but I can’t help it.
Because whilst I am an imperfect person, I’m also a forgiven person.
I don’t need to live my life under the weight of my failings or the daily mistakes, or the many, many times I can see all the ways that I have fallen short of my own self imposed goals.
I live my life free.