This isn’t the post I had planned for today. I was going to write about macro and micro personalities and how knowing whist your child is, is so important for heart training.
But to be perfectly honest, I’m struggling. I don’t feel like I have any business writing this series, because this past week my kids have been awful.
We have had tantrums galore, lying, stealing, nastiness, rudeness and outright defiance. By 7:30 Friday morning, I was ready for a wine.
Ava hadn’t been sleeping, so was tired and grumpy, and the other three were just being vile. It was awful.
For me, bad behavior hits hard. It’s not just annoying or frustrating, but rather a personal failure that points to an area of my child’s heart that I have failed to reach. When Bailey hurts his sisters intentionally, it shows me that I have failed to teach him the importance of treating others with as much value as he treats himself.
When Bridie screams at me, and argues with me, and refuses to listen, it shows me that I haven’t taught her the importance of respecting authority, and that I haven’t proven my ability to lead.
When Taylah lies it cuts me to my very core; it’s the epitome of selfishness and disrespect, and it breaks my heart.
So when I write this heart series, it is not because I have the answers, because I don’t.
It’s not because my children are perfect, because they are not.
It’s not because I think I can tell you how to do it better, because honestly I don’t. Nothing I write comes from anything resembling a high horse, or even a midget pony.
I write it because I care. Because I believe that it’s not just enough to have well behaved children, but rather to have children who make right choices from their heart, and not from fear of punishment, or desire for reward.
I write because I know what it’s like to have difficult children, and need help. None of my kids are quiet and laid black. None of my babies have slept. They have all challenged me as soon as verbally able. They have fought me from inside the womb.
I have bred four incredibly determined, energetic, loud, and stubborn people, and somedays the only thing that gets me through is the fact that I am more determined, more energetic, more stubborn, and a lot louder.
I have done it hard, and most days I do it hard. I have parented in all sorts of fashions; I’ve been the the child centered parent, who changes my whole world to fit in with my kids. I’ve been the authoritarian parent, bulldozing my kids into line, and raising my voice too many times. I’ve been the threatening/repeating parent, declaring punishments I have no intention of carrying through on. I’ve been an absent, selfish parent. Absorbed by my desires and putting my family on the back burner.
And none of it has worked. None of it has achieved the desired result, or created a happy, peaceful home environment.
But heart training does. Because heart training gets to the inside, and shapes values and morals, and encourages right choices, made by the child. Heart training is about placing values in their heart; creating a system, a storage place, so that every situation can be understood and acted upon in the right way. It’s not about, ‘don’t hit your sister,’ Because that implies that it’s ok to hit everyone but. Rather it is, ‘don’t hit your sister because it is important to treat others as you would want to be treated.’
Heart training is about giving instructions, and a reason why; a heart value that can be stored and carried with them forever.
I have seen the value in this. Even on the bad days; even when my children are horrid and I think that there is possibly no way I could fail more as a parent, I have seen glimpses of changed hearts.
That is why I am passionate about it, and that is why I share it. Not because I’m the expert, but rather because I’m the scientist, and my findings can literally change the world.
I’m a person who believes in good and evil. I’m a person who believes in light and dark. I believe that when you try to do good, when you move forward, that it can be hard. I believe that when you shine light in a dark place, the darkness tries to quench it.
I believe heart training is the light in a dark world of children absorbed by what they want. I believe that if, as parents, we can teach our kids values and morals that are done because they believe them, then the world will be a better place. I believe that by me, shining my tiny little blogging candle once a week on a Monday, that I’m facing opposition from a dark force. I’m not surprised my kids have been like this; I expected it.
I am not necessarily, a ‘kid’ person. I’m a mum person. I believe in mums, and I want to help mums in every way I can. I believe that in writing this series, I can do that. If I can help just one person help their child, I believe the world is a better place. And so despite the fact that I don’t feel able, that I don’t feel equipped, and that I am certainly not qualified, I will continue to shine my little bloggy torch, and fight the darkness.
Because like my stubborn, determined, and head strong offspring, I don’t back down in a fight. I keep going for what is right. I follow the values in my heart, and this is a good thing I do.