Well so it is July! Anyone know where the year has gone?
In our home we’re officially halfway through birthday season, (with a combined party event planned for all four kids this weekend), and it’s less than half a year till Christmas. No wonder I’m buggered.
I’ve also got my book launch happing this Saturday which is both exciting and completely terrifying all at once; especially the latter. In fact if the event didn’t mean I could justify a hair cut, colour and manicure (you know, for signing all those books 😉 (hopefully)), I would possibly cancel it altogether.
Prior to the launch, I’m also going on the radio, in a live interview. That is a little scary but not so much as the launch itself, on account of the fact that no one can see me; I really don’t like people looking at me that much.
But despite the fear of the imminent public speaking engagements, there is something that is terrifying me even more. A silent fear that I’m sure is just waiting to sneak up on me and the fam, and I am almost petrified with the thought of it. So concerned I am, that if I didn’t have the aforementioned events occurring this weekend, I would possibly lock us all up in a bomb shelter until the end of July.
What is that would have me this terrified you ask?
One simple word, and all the meaning it entails.
Now gastro is one of those horrid diseases that usually sneaks up on us all unawares just when you least need it. Unfortunately for us, when we least need it is ALWAYS right before the in-laws come to town.
For the last three years, every single visit has been heralded by one, if not all of us, forced to stick our head in the toilet, or carrying around a ridiculously unattractive brown bucket for a few days.
It’s never fun.
To make matters worse, my kids have taken it upon themselves to obey me to the fullest extent when it comes to the idea of sharing, so not only do they pass their germs from one to another, but they also make sure they save some for our visitors.
It’s gotten to the point, that they actually will not stay with us anymore for fear of the dreaded lurgy. (Which I’m sure some of you are thinking is probably a good thing. I have perhaps used this to my advantage before ;))
Now thankfully, so far this year, we have all been supremely healthy. Apart from a few snotty noses, a couple of random fevers, and Bridie’s constant ear dramas, there has not been too much to complain about.
Which has made me even more nervous. Because at least when you have had the rounds of this years flu, or stomach bug, you know you probably won’t get it again. You should be free for the next little while.
Currently our level of protection is equal to our level of immunity. Zilch. And every single day I log on to FB, someone is suffering from a fate that I am fearing will invade us in the very imminent future. Possibly this very weak. (In fact, now that you mention it, I am feeling a little queasy.)
And Boatman’s parents are here in exactly 9 sleeps.
So in the hopes of avoiding it until after the out-laws have left (because of course we will be perfectly safe then), I have been googling methods of germ avoidance, to see which ones I can possibly employ.
Clean the House.
Apparently germs can breed under couches or something. I’m not entirely convinced that getting off my computer to sweep my floors will save me, but I would like to have a clean toilet in case I need to puke into it, so I guess it has some merit.
Plus it means I can look as cool as this chick.
Fold the toilet paper into a point.
Again, I’m not sure how this works, but when I googled ‘how to avoid gastro’ this came up, so there must be something to it.
Also I am one of those random people who likes the leave a bathroom a little prettier than when I came in, and so somewhat obsessively make triangle with the end anyway.
Build a bomb shelter and move in.
I think this is the most valid idea. Particularly as, according to this model, I will turn into the perfect 1950’s housewife, and my husband will change the records for me.
Wear a gas mask when in public and threaten to shoot anyone who looks like they are going to cough, sneeze or generally breathe in my direction.
It sounds drastic people, but if we get sick again, it’s highly likely my mother in law will begin to question her son’s choice of a wife, and we can’t have her thinking I am anything less than perfect.
Social Media Blackout.
Now obviously this is the most extreme of all options. (Yes even more so than building an underground living room or attempting to annihilate the germ infected populace.) I am convinced, (which of course makes it fact), that you can get sick from Facebook.
It’s true! Think about it, how many times have you read a status saying someone is sick, only to be struck down with the exact same symptoms days later? We live in a global village people and Facebook is capable of more than we know! So having said that, if you happen to be my friend, and post about your ailments online, I will have to unfriend you. At least for the next month or so.
Failing all that, I may just force the children to hibernate inside our home all day, and clean the windows when they get bored.
Which actually sounds the most brilliant idea of all. 🙂
Have you fallen prey to winter’s deadly bugs this year?
Any tips to keep us safe?