Back in the beginning of the year, I set myself some words for the year.
My goal was to live life with those five words in mind. Remembering the important, focused on what I leave behind, inspiring others, embracing myself, and facing fear head on.
One week into November, and I’m fairly happy with how far I’ve come. Obviously, there is always room for improvement, but on the whole, I can say that I have grown this year.
I’m the sort of person who is not content to just live life going from day to day. I want more. I want to be constantly learning, constantly improving, constantly getting better.
I want to shine.
Maybe be famous.
I want to count for something, even if the only thing I ever do is understand the value of one.
I’m not content to just sit on the couch.
I will be more.
I was born Jessica Deborah (insert Maiden name here), but I’ve very rarely been called Jessica. When I was little, my dad and sisters called me Jessie-Deb. My cousin called me Junk-Food-Jess. My friends have always called me Jess. Old people call me Jessie.
Boatman calls me Jessbo.
Whatever the word, I’ve always been some variation of Jess.
Whenever I thought of myself, I’ve aways added the ‘just’ to my name. I don’t know why, but I have.
Growing up, I didn’t have a very high opinion of myself really. I wasn’t popular or pretty. I didn’t seem to really have a whole lot to offer. My friends referred to me as ‘the token female’ or ‘the girl next door.’ We’ve all seen that girl in the movies; it never seems to go very well for her.
I was mostly ok with that. I was me.
A stay at home mum, doing my best to love my kids and raise them to be awesome human beings.
This year, something has started to change.
I can’t put my finger on how or why, or even when, but I know it’s been happening.
I’ve stopped adding the ‘just.’
I’ve never really done anything ‘substantial’ by most peoples standards. I haven’t finished Uni, or had a real job. I’ve only ever been a mum my adult life. I don’t have any area of expertise unless you ask me about my kids.
From the outside looking in, there really is nothing remarkable about me at all.
I am just Jess.
I’m so much more.
How do I word this without sounding arrogant? I’m not sure, but I’m not.
I have this belief, inside me, right down in my core. A firm conviction that I can not adequately give words to except to say that it is my truth, and I can not be swayed from it.
I firmly, one hundred percent believe, without a shadow of any kind of doubt, that I was made personally, and intimately by the very hand of God, and because of that reason, I am anything but ‘just.’
Having said that, I am realising that being me, is the very best thing I can be. Embracing all my Jessence and understanding that ‘just’ being Jess, is exactly what I was designed for.
I am Just Jess, but I am not just Jess.
I’m Essentially Jess.
Authentic. Hopeful. And a little bit crazy.
I started the year with five words,hoping they would help me grow. What I didn’t expect, was to find so much of my own worth in seeking them.
But even more importantly, I never imagined that in finding my own value, I would begin to glimpse so much more of the value in others. Because there is no purpose in living just for yourself. Human beings are hard-wired for community; we seek to be with people. And by embracing this community here, on line, particularly on a Tuesday, I catch glimpses of not only my own greatness, but the greatness of others.
The greatness of you.
And so, it is with the utmost conviction, that I believe there is nothing ‘just’ about you either.
And I don’t just say this. These are not empty words on a page. A nice post to tickle your eyes and ears, and make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
This, for me, is truth.
And you all told me, when I had nothing to say, to speak to my truth.
So there it is. I am me. Just Jess, and yet nothing Just about me.
Now on another note….
What’s with the duck?
When planning this move, I was looking for an image that would adequately describe crazy, and that didn’t involve me looking like a psycho woman. I found this duck, and thought he was cool, but I wasn’t sure.
Anyway, I left him sitting on the header, to see of he should stay or not. Whilst in discussions with Michelle from Little Hero Host about the necessity of the duck, a crazy pigeon literally flew into my house and launched itself at the ceiling fan, before flying out again.
It could have been a crazy duck for the analogy it gave.
So the duck stayed, and now I’m owning the duck. It’s a crazy chick just like me.
(And also, who doesn’t love a dancing duck?)