I have a dream.
I dream of living somewhere cool. Somewhere were multiple applications of deodorant daily is not necessary, and I do not need to run my air conditioning on a near constant basis.
I live in a house in my dream. A house with two bathrooms, two living areas and a kitchen that wasn’t built for a tiny, midget sized person. I dream of a servery window to my outdoor entertaining area, where we can sit and enjoy the perfect weather.
I dream of Boatman having a job he likes, with decent hours, and good holidays. I dream of an income that supports said holidays, and me sipping wine on my verandah. I dream of one day getting to try Gossip Girl wine, because I live somewhere where it doesn’t cost a fortune to freight it to.
I have a dream.
Boatman too has a dream.
He dreams if living in a house with no walls, in outer Darwin. Apparently our house will have some kind of shutter things in case it rains, and it will be easy to clean the dirt that blows in, because we will just lift up the furniture and hose off the concrete, slate floors.
In Boatman’s dream, our wall-less house is on a big property that backs on to a river, because we have our own business. We run a Barra safari camp.
Boatman takes the willing out on the river, whilst I stay home in our wall-less house, homeschool the children, and cook food to feed the hungry fishermen once they return.
In Boatman’s dream I do not see room for shoe shopping, or blogging. In fact his safari camp is probably so remote, there is no Internet reception.
I feel like a bad wife; an unsupportive wife, because I know that more than anything, he would love to work a job that involves fishing. I know that he thinks building a shed with no walls is feasible and exciting. He thinks the kids will love the nature, and the excitement.
By nature he means snakes, spiders and possibly a crocodile or two from the river.
Honestly, I can’t do it. I can’t move to the sticks and make three course meals for crass fishermen, and be a mum, and still have anytime or any energy for anything that makes me me.
But if building a wall-less house 50 minutes out of the CBD is the only financial option available, and moving just seems to be impossible to do, what is next?
At this point even a safari camp does not sound so bad, because at least it would be some direction.
For the longest time we haven’t had a plan. We have been in limbo; completely stuck. The cost of living is so expensive in Darwin, and it’s only going to get worse with the gas plant developments set to take off.
We have looked at moving interstate; we have applied for jobs and almost got them, only to have someone quit, or not pass on the right information. In short we are constantly met with closed doors. We can’t move forward, and we don’t want to move back, which is what we are doing, the longer we stay directionless.
It feels like we are stuck between a rock and a hard place, with nowhere left to go.
We used to think, ‘just make a plan,’ and do it, but after many failures and rejections, we don’t know what to do it next. Making a plan to see it fail once again seems somewhat futile.
So we are stuck. Stuck in my air conditioned house, with a small kitchen built for a tiny midget, in hot Darwin, where there is no Gossips and everything costs more. Where Boatman works in the automotive industry that he hates, and earns just enough for us to get by.
We are stuck here dreaming of something better. Of cool weather or crocodiles in the back yard.
Dreaming of something different.