I’ve never been in the popular crowd and it didn’t really bother me. I kind of hate the idea honestly.
Popularity for popularity sakes has never really interested me.
I think I was always ‘known’ in high school. I mean it was a small school, but I wasn’t exactly a quiet person either. And I never backed down from what I believed in. Always held that torch held very firmly in front of me.
Not much has changed in that respect.
It never bothered me being labeled as some kind of ‘Jesus Freak’ and it still doesn’t. It’s a badge of honour. A badge of pride. If that’s all anyone ever knows me for I’m OK with that.
But it was easier back then, in a Christian school, almost two decades ago. Even such a short time ago, I think a lot of things were different.
Or maybe I was just naive. I don’t know.
I do know I never felt that different.
Not like I do now.
I watched a series on Compass a few weeks ago, where they sat down to dinner with a group of Muslims, a group of Jews and and group of Catholics over a series of three nights. It was interesting to hear all these different people being different things to their faith, and I loved all their different perspectives.
There was however, one thing that saddened me. It didn’t come up across the Catholics, but it did with some of the Muslims and Jews; the idea that they didn’t want to be known for their faith. One woman said she would rather be known as a woman, her name, her job, her whatever, than as a Muslim. Her faith is private and she doesn’t need everyone to know about it.
For me, as a passionate woman of faith, this confuses me. If you believe what you say you believe as truth, then wouldn’t you want that belief to define every part of who you are?
Wouldn’t you want it to define YOU?
Unless, of course, you realise that definition is going to make you
infinitely different from everyone, and that makes you uncomfortable?
Because let’s face it, a life of faith in a faithless world?
More than you would believe.
More than you can sometimes bare.
The other option? The idea of a ‘secret, personal’ faith?
Well that holds no interest for me whatsoever. Because apart from being just a ridiculous idea in my book, it’s just not possible.
Faith is more than what you believe.
It’s who you are.
It’s the stuff that dictates your actions and decisions in a way that supersedes anything genetics or biology can throw at you.
It’s what gives you hope when all hope is gone and forces to to take just one more step.
It is the joy that runs deep even when happiness is completely out of the question.
It’s the purpose that drags you out of bed in the morning, and has you believing that you can actually make a difference in this world that is anything, but God-forsaken.
It’s the essence of life, and the reason that I can move past the pinch of uncomfortableness, and just wear my badge with pride.
I never wanted to be the popular kid.
I did want to be the faith filled one.
And so I will be.
Even when it hurts.
Even when it pinches.
Even though it makes me different.