Disclaimer: this is possibly the most ridiculous, tongue-in-cheek post I’ve ever written. Which is saying a lot.
It is with great regret that I share the passing of Romeo.
Romeo came into our lives two years ago, and has been a somewhat constant companion ever since. He passed away peacefully, mid t-shirt, last Monday evening. His cause of death is unknown, and an autopsy will not be conducted. Sometimes irons just die.
As a steam making machine, Romeo was obsessed with the perfect smoothness of clothes; it was the purpose and passion with which he lived his life. He was a fan of rainwater, thirstily drinking it through every workout session, and always content to leave the wine to his mistress. Romeo was a perfect gentleman in that regard.
He enjoyed watching television as he worked. Romeo’s favourite shows consisted of Greys Anatomy, Rookie Blue and Friends. He was also quite partial to The Voice and would sing along in the live finals; his water tank whirring with the tune of his people. (Or, you know, machines. Since he’s not actually a person. Or wasn’t actually a person.)
It’s no coincidence that Romeo’s passing occurred almost simultaneously with the removal Tony Abbott from the Prime Ministership; it’s like he thought that it was ok for ironing to stop now. He was wrong: his untimely demise has caused deep frustration and the requisition of a borrowed replacement iron, which is just not the same. His laid back nature, and inability to burn anything will be missed.
Romeo is survived by his best friend the ironing board, and his chief user, EssentiallyJess. She is now marked by a rather rumpled appearance, and a frustration at not having a good excuse to commandeer control of the television from the children.
His family has requested no flowers, but cash donations can be made to ‘get EssentiallyJess a new iron dot com.’*
Please join with us now, as we remember the life of Romeo, in video form.
*Not a real charity, nor am I actually requesting cash.
Like I said ridiculous, but I really love my iron.
How have things been with you?
Written any fake death notices lately?