Today’s IBOT post is brought to you courtesy of the unloved, (sometimes) unwashed and generally horny male members of society.
This may come as a surprise to you (considering how attractive and obviously loveable I am ;)) that I have not ever been the object of affection when it comes to members of the opposite sex. Call me the wall flower, girl next door, bridesmaid-but-never-the-bride, whatever you like, but when it comes to sexual appeal to the male chromosome, apparently I have very little.
And despite that being terribly heartbreaking as a teenage girl who was always falling in love, I am actually quite happy about that. Obviously I was just saving it all for Boatman who I nabbed hook, line and sinker. 😉
However, having said that, I now find myself employed in a work place, where despite the fact that our main retail product is alcohol, there are customers who are perhaps shopping for quite a lot more. As my friend and co-worker Sally so eloquently put it, ‘if you work in a liquor shop in Darwin, and you have a vagina, at some point you are going to get hit on.’
She is so very wise. 🙂
Since realising this startling turn of events, I have noticed just how lame some guys are when it comes to the art of seduction. In fact I think the term ‘art of seduction’ would very likely be lost on these fine fellows, and it is with them in mind that I have compiled a list of men that one should avoid at all costs.
Just in case you were in need of such a list.
The Drunk Don Juan
Now this one needs very little explanation. The average looking guy, who with a few beers under his belt, thinks he has not only a shot, but a God-given right to every female who comes within his vicinity.
Sadly for such individuals, not only will you have to break their heart by saying that you won’t hold yourself against them, but also crush all their hopes and dreams when you inform them that you are also unable to supply them with any more malt beverages.
It’s anyone’s guess which news will be more devastating.
This is the guy that comes on strong, with all the clichés and wonderful comments he can think of. He will begin by commenting on your wonderful looks, and sunny disposition, gladly declaring to anyone in hearing distance, that you are his next wife and the mother of his children.
Be warned though; this guy will back pedal so fast you will have no idea what hit you, and before you can answer his marriage request he has changed it to the proposal of instead being friends with benefits.
Such a lovely, luke-warm sentiment.
The Geriatric Degenerate
Now don’t be fooled. It’s not just the young guys who are looking for a bit of action, but the old fellas too. In fact, it’s quite often that the older the mind gets, the more depraved. Do not be fooled by a balding head or a walking stick; these guys will take any interaction as an unequivocal sex invite.
And to the old man who invited me to party with him? Accidentally bumping into your foot with my beer trolley was not kinky.#justsaying
This guy is full of love and affection and praise for all your glowing attributes. He will declare his affection to your work colleagues and anyone else within ear shot, and it would all seem very lovely apart from one thing; he has no idea who you are.
Word to the wise ladies; if despite wearing a name tag in between your breasts, a man has to describe you by using vague references to your hair colour, he is not a keeper.
Now this guy is my favourite.
Or least favourite as the case may be.
Rewind Romeo has a kind of random charm; possibly due to the fact that he is an accent, or because he just won’t take no for an answer. Despite your protestations and decrees that you do not need his love or affection, he will continue to pursue you until you have sent him on his way with a vague but completely impossible agreement to meet on Tuesday. (Knowing full well that on Tuesday you will meet no one, because instead you will be reading IBOT posts.)
As luck would have it, when Tuesday rolls around, and you do accidentally bump into him, only to have your heart rate increase with panic, and your anxiety hit astronomic proportions as you plan how to hide from him, or possibly fend off his unwanted advances, he will suddenly not know you. As in, you may as well not even be in the room for all the noticing he is doing.
If you thought the begging was intolerable, this is even more so, because obviously, you, like me, are entirely memorable.
He’s obviously on something. There will be no other explanation. How else would anyone forget your unforgettableness?
And that ladies (and men), is my list, so far, of guys you need to avoid at all costs.
And no, there is no unless. Do not even let the cute accent fool you, or the way he says such nice things.
In fact let’s just make a basic rule; never date a guy you meet in a liquor shop.
Am I right?
What’s been the worst attempt at seduction you have ever had?