The upside of running a linky on your blog, is that you always have an incentive to write, even when you don’t want to.
The downside of running a linky on your blog, is that sometimes you are forced to blog even when you don’t want to. This week, that’s a reasonably big downside.
My head is full of lots of things, and normally when that happens, my default mechanism kicks in, and I become silly and ridiculous (though to be fair I think the word ‘become’ is somewhat deceptive). Today I don’t even have that. I’m tired. Tired and aware of how busy the next few weeks will be, and ready for the busyness to be over.
But I don’t want to talk about that, because who wants to read Jess whinge? Busyness is just a part of life — it happens whether we like it or not, and you can’t always avoid it. I know we are all supposed to be zen and lived balance lives, but let’s be realistic; things don’t always work that way. Sometimes everything happens at once, and you just have to roll with the punches.
The funny thing about busyness, though, is that it makes you evaluate your priorities. If you’re doing too much, you start to think about what you shouldn’t be doing, or rather what you would stop doing if you had the chance. Out of all the things happening in your life, what means the most?
I was thinking about that on Sunday, as the hours before the new term of TAFE loomed ever closer. I really like studying, but I’m not enjoying one of my units this semester. I’m tolerating it as best I can, working my butt off to excel at it (because just because I don’t like it, it doesn’t mean I can’t do well at it), and basically counting down the assessment tasks to go. (Four if you’re interested.)
It’s part and parcel of any course; there’s always going to be some things you enjoy, and some you don’t, and the shiny side of this is that I now know I never want to write for magazines or newspapers. A lot of people will think that’s weird, but that’s just how I feel. It’s not my cup of tea.
Of course my internal rant at having to endure it, made me think long and hard about the kind of writing I do want to pursue, and in doing that, a line from Pearl Harbour kept coming back to me. Weird, I know, but stay with me.
It’s when Rafe is over in England and talking to the English Captain (I assume), and he asks him if all Americans are as anxious to die as Rafe.
‘Not anxious to die Sir. Just anxious to matter.’
Because clearly, enduring the next eight weeks of Write Articles For Publication is a fate akin to death 😉
In all seriousness, though, it’s the second part of the quote that gets to me; that plays around in my mind while I organise interviews, and read course books, and dream of playing along with Nanowrimo. The words that flitter through my mind in rare moments of quiet when the busyness has briefly played itself out: anxious to matter. Because it appears to me that my greatest frustration with busyness, is that it takes me away from the important things; the purposeful things. The things that make life actually worth living. Rafe got it in that movie. He couldn’t sit around Hawaii waiting for something to happen when he could do something that was actually worth doing. Purpose was so much more important than comfort, or busyness just because it’s something that happens.
And so I sit here, on a Monday night, my head full of lots of things that need doing. The good and great things mingled in with the less loved, but still equally important. My to-do list is overflowing and the busyness will continue for a few weeks until it finally subsides with the normal rhythm of life. And in the meantime I’ll keep thinking about what matters most, and be anxious to do that. Anxious to matter.