Dear Sgt Vannes Terry
And all other spammers everywhere.
It’s not me. It’s you.
I’m over it.
I think it’s very nice that you have so much money that you don’t know what to do with it.
I’m sorry you’re dying and every other person you have ever met has let you down, forcing you to visit my blog, abscond my email address and beg me up look after your finances. It’s all very sad and ‘cat’s in the cradle’ and what have you.
Here’s the thing: (and I suggest you listen closely)
I’m not a financial expert.
Yes, you read that right.
On the contrary, I’m a stay at home mum who is addicted to Pepsi Max and buying presents. If you send me your money, the best investment I can offer you is a new quilt, made with highly expensive material that I can now afford to buy thanks to you.
I’ve tried ignoring you. I really have.
But it’s getting harder and harder.
I don’t have multiple hours free everyday to read the many, many emails you have sent me. I have four children.
In case you’re wondering about the significance of that, it means I always have something to do. My floor is always dirty; there is always washing in my basket.
If I do have a spare minute I use it for blogging.
Or the occasional quilt (see above comment)
Not in investing you’re imaginary funds.
I’m sorry about the narkiness of my reply email.
Writing ‘no you can’t trust me, stop spamming,’ to your question ‘can I trust you?’ Was blunt at best and rude at worst.
I’m just over it.
It really does not help when you reply with this:
For starters, my name is not Pal. That’s Daisy’s husband.
Secondly you’re clearly not American as evidenced by the rest of your email.
‘to enable us meet face-to-face’ is not American English.
And finally, perhaps the reason you can’t trust people is because you still put your faith in them even after they have said ‘no you can’t trust me!’
This is clearly your issue.
On a closing note, can I suggest, that if you really want to invest all your money with a stranger, just go to your local bank. They will be more than happy to help you out and you might even get your own bank account numbers instead of trying to find out mine.
And if all of that is not clear, I’ll say it one more time:
P*ss Off and stop spamming me!!!!
PS Thanks for calling me exotic